Contendment, or discontendment.

Recently, when i was asked what I things I want, I couldnt think of any, any thing that I lack. They always say to be contend with what you have, and you will be happy with your life. But, that may not be true.

When you are contended with life, when you give up your pursue of things in life, you will lose your focus. When theres no goals in your life, everything just move so slowly. Life become harder instead. And some happenings will affect you harder. Harder to move away from it. Harder to keep looking on the bright side. Harder to put it down.

Harder..

Dinner

I skipped my dinner yesterday. Knowingly and unknowingly. Feel asleep for a while at night, so didnt feel the hunger also. But didnt go buy or cook any dinner... cos no one was home, didnt feel like eating dinner alone too, so went without dinner. So basically, had only one full meal the whole day, with 2baos in the morning, and another 2 in the afternoon.

Sometimes I can eat meals alone anytime, anywhere. But other times, especially when I feel down, I will rather skip my meal.


Current nick:
Crossroad Junction...

Convenience

A lot of times, we do things not by choice, but by convenience.
Its inevitable, as some choices are hard to make, and doing it by convenience solve a lot of problems.
You went to a certain jc cos your friends are going there..
And then you took the same modules together..
And you joined the same cca..
You stick to the same friends..
Eat the same food everytime..
You stick to the same way of going to school..
There are a lot of things you can try but did'nt..
When you conveniently dont reply to certain matters
And now, you are at a crossroad again..
Choice or convenience..

Quoted from my friend's blog..
Are you a puppet controlled by the surrounding environment or do you want to gain back your control

What should i do?...

Current nick
Attracted to gals who play guitar...

Kaoru Amane. The female lead in the story, Taiyou no Uta, also known as A Song for the Sun. Or some of you know the movie better, Midnight Sun.

Im attracted by gers who can sing, and better still, with a guitar in their hands. Gentle voice.. together with the guitar.. I think thats one of the nicest sound in this world..

Dont sing to me.. if you dont want me to fall for you..

Msn Nick

My nick tends to reflect my feelings at tt particular time. That explains why it can change several times in a day.Thus, i shall try to record it down in my blog when i have the time.



Current Nick
Maybe im setting the wrong priority..but it doesnt matter.. this is more impt to me..

Was at the market just now, and saw people selling chinese new year decorative items already, so fast.. But I wont be celebrating this coming CNY.. so, if you are free during that period, ask me out please =)

Just came back from Fish chalet.. nice nice.. nice to nua..

Simplicity

My dog, Toro, can sleep anywhere, any time. When he have nothing to do, he will just lie down and fall asleep very fast. Its not because hes lazy or what, rather, its because he have a simple mind. He does not have any worries in his mind, other than when we take his toys. Thats why he is able to sleep very fast.

Me, on the other hand, thinks a lot. When I have nothing to do, I think. When I say Im nuaing, Im thinking. Thinking of a lot of things. And sometimes, I find it hard to get to sleep, when the things Im thinking about worries me. Or its the other way round, things become worrying because I think of it. I dunno. But I just cant stop thinking.

Because I care.

Or maybe its better not to think. Be simple. And I will be happier at more times than Toro shaking his tail.

Hotel Rwanda

Just watched Hotel Rwanda. Its a very nice show, surprisingly, because I was expecting myself to be bored by it. But instead, I didnt realise 2hours have passed by when the show was coming to an end.

Purpose

Was wondering why I am writing my blog all this while. For what purpose. To express my thoughts? To record down things in my life? To share with my friends what I have been through? So that I do not keep things to myself?

Been mia for the past 2 weeks. Things happened, and there are so many things I want to say, but didnt. Didnt find anyone I can talk to. Or rather, people I want to, didnt realise I want to talk. I have a close clique of friends, friends I know I can depend on, but I didnt depend on. Then there are a few others, that I would like to talk to. I did call her, but she didnt pick up the phone. And when she did call back, I didnt answer, becos I didnt know what else to say.

I didnt blog too. Didnt see the point to. Because I never know who is reading this blog. Didnt want to share with people that I dont want to share with, so I didnt blog. What is the purpose of writing this blog then? Presenting a self that is not myself, but a self that i want others to see.

Im tired already, of being too dependant of technology. Lets all go back to the good old days of talking in person, it is seriously better that way.

Theres a report in the straits times today, saying that cigarettes contain plutonium, a radioactive material thats more reactive than the atomic bomb used in 1945. And 1.5 pack of cigarettes is equivalent to 30 chest xrays. Wow. Good luck to those smokers.

Then theres this other report in friday's paper, an article on eating shark's fin. Its not your typical anti-shark's fin read-up, but rather, the writer tried to be objective in expressing his viewpoint, that eating shark's fins isnt as threatening and immoral as what the anti- parties want you to believe. That the act of cutting off the fins of sharks, and then throwing them back into the waters, are seldom practised, and even outlawed in most countries. Only 3 types of sharks are in the endangered list.

Sometimes you really dunno what to believe in the information presented to you. What is the truth? But still, I wouldnt eat shark's fins.

For Siying.. is it him?

Feeling sick.. thus been lying in bed just now, and decided to turn on my radio. And realised that its been a long time since I listen to the radio at night. Just listening to the radio and doing nothing else. One of my favourite pastime, one that I forgot over time.

Used to do it alot, especially in secondary school. Listening to glenn ong till 2 or 3am in the morning, really enjoy listening to him last time, with 5guys and a gal.. short fart, simone, and some other characters that he created. But this practice was gradually forgotten as I went in jc, when I have a pc at home, with many games occupying my time. Radio become something that filled the background instead. Then with the proliferation of mp3, that is when I really stopped tuning in.

Its really nice, jus to lie down there, with eyes close, just listening.

Finally ended, my exams. Been through a lot of pressure, particularly for a module i find easy. Strange as it seems, the easier the module, the larger the pressure it is for me. The pressure to perform well, the high expectation to meet. And Im the one who puts these pressure on myself, to the extent of not being able to breathe. And now its all over. Finally. Relief. Disappointment will come at a later date.

And now.. I just feel like disappearing from the face of this world..

One of the last thing you want to hear, when you are walking along the street.. is a cracking sound.. and when you turn around and see where did that sound come from, you realise that you just stepped on a snail..

Thats what happened while I was walking home just now.. why...

--Snow Queen--

A new korean drama.. one of the many shows im watching in the midst of exams.. If only I am so hardworking in my papers..

Confessions of Pain.. 2 of my most admired male actors. I think most gers would want to watch this show..

Theres a saying.. "There is no ugly women in this world, only lazy women"..

I would like to modify this theory..
There is no fat women in this world, only lazy women..

Women never get tired of complaining that they are fat.. but always fail to take action towards it. Cmon.. if you think you are fat, go and exercise.. There is seriously no point in getting those products in the market.. uzap.. trimfit.. mary chia.. Just stop being lazy and go out and run! or go to the gym! But then again.. there are plenty of women whos lazy to do all those..(i didnt say majority) and resort to lazy methods..

A few weeks back... in the morning.. my sister was happily exclaiming to me.. "I climbed Bukit Timah hill this morning!".. proud of her "exercise". And me.. I replied.. " I jus went got ippt this morning, and I got silver".. period

Just one more thing I notice.. on my way to school, on a double-deck bus, there are always substancially more gers than guys on the lower deck (theres once I can count with one hand in a fully-packed bus). Lazy or otherwise?

Anyway, this particular post exclude people who inevitably get fat.. disease, injuries or otherwise.. no offence.. though I dont think any of my friends reading this is fat becos of the above mentioned reasons.. =P

Things I want out of life?

I think till now, I haven really got a clear answer yet.. but I suppose its clearer than what I think a year earlier, better than 3 years earlier.. Been delaying my decision since secondary school, thats how I ended up in ntu, but guess delaying is not a possibility anymore, cos i be graduating in one year time. So, been thinking of several things.

Firstly, I dont think Im cut out to work in the advertising industry. And I dont like banks either. So, thought of working in the hospitality industry, hotels etc. If not, most prob i suppose I be working in the marketing side for some firms. Or maybe I be working in something totally unrelated to what I am studying now. In any case, whats clear is that, some years after I graduate, I be a boss. Thats my aim. The only blur things are, what happen between then and now?

Theres this piece of news article last week, about the govt banning the rental of hdb flats to foreign workers except for malaysians, and the minister talked about how people at hdb complaining about these people.

Singaporeans is getting more and more intolerant, and that is a really bad thing. Its never good when people start discriminating others, who are we to have the authority to discriminate others? I think its inevitable that people start getting racist, but there must still be a limit to that, if not we really have some way to go to be human. We should not be ethnocentric, and think that we are superior to other races.

And to segregate them to a certain area in spore, I think thats really depressing. To think someone was even quoted as saying, singapore have limited space and we dont have space to house them on another island.. I think its ridiculous to even think of that, to think of putting foreign workers on another island.. its super degrading..

Back in my ns days, I talked to some of them before, grasscutters from India. Some of them are only 21 years, even younger than I was, married with their family back home. They came all the way here to work for a living, and seriously, I think they deserve some respect, because they are really nice people also, much more humane than many locals I know.

If Singapore are going to progress this way, getting more and more intolerant of others, its a matter of time before racial riots happen like before in times of despair and distrust.

Be more tolerant. We are all humans.

wa.. die.. i jus saw my intl law past year papers.. its so difficult!!!!!! Then Im totally demoralised.. and I went to sleep.. haha.. They say being confident is half the battle won.. and now, I think I lost more than half the battle..

So.. in times like this.. if u are feeling the same way too.. heres a quote from Marianne Williamson..
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous.
Actually, who are you not to be?

Things I need:
Money
Wallet
Briefcase
Watch

Things I want:
tt espirit jacket
PS3
timberland shoe
tt zara striped shirt


I think theres a longer list than this, but cant think of it now..

Woke up this morning feeling bad. Had a bad dream, bad enough that it would have made some people cry.

Sometimes its just hard to forget about some things. Especially when things around you are related to it, and they remind you. But then again, those are the things that make me who I am now, and will continue to influence me in the future.

Just watched a movie.. "Crying out love, in the centre of the world".. a jap movie.. better than the korean version(my girl and i) that was modelled after it. Watch it.

Heres the synosis:
Based no this century's top best-seller which has sold a million and a half copies since published in 2001, the film depicts a tragic romance in the years before the advent of cell phones. It reveals a young man's pang of forfeiture after the death of his first love and the uneasiness of his soul wandering in the world without her.

Sianz manz.. so many things to memorise.. Im too used to having open books exams liao, and now the current one is closed book!!! ARGH... Why WHy.. So many bullshits to remember, and they put it as closed book..

Heres something funny..
The other day, my elder sis was complaining about a shop, when she exclaimed that "how bad can her day get?! "
Then my younger sis replied her.." Toro can shit on your bed"..
haha.. best..

i think my slackness reach new levels liao.. doing anything but studying haha..

Holiday mood liao hhaa...

Edited post...

Cos the moment I read the straits times today, wah, front page, ppl charged for tapping another neighbour network.. best.. 3 yrs jail or 10000, you na mo yan zhong ma..

Different people have different reasons for blogging...
Some do it to express their views..
Some for letting their close friends to know whats been going on in their lives..
Others just want to keep a record of their life...

My reason for blogging now...
Becos I dont want to study =P

A few unknown facts abt me..
I tend to listen to sad songs when Im sad..
I play more n more games, and watch more n more tv as exams approach.. There was once I played til 3am on the eve of my exams in jc..
I dont like to be late..not even one min..i can get mad at myself.. but tt habit seems to be absent nowadays.. cos i dont wan to be early now..
I was failing my ippt and yet got 9.09 timing for my soc in bmt.. a timing most of them nvr achieve..
I told my sir I did not want to go sispec or ocs for some reasons.. and I regretted it afterwards..becos the reason no longer existed..
I used to hate Jay Chou..

If you seen prison break, you would have heard of this:

When I was young, I couldnt sleep at night, cos I thought theres a monster in the closet. But my brother told me, there wasnt anything in the closet but fear, that fear wasnt real, said it wasnt made of anything, it was just air. Not even that, he said you have to face it, you just have to open the door, and the monster will disappear.

really?

Was at RM over the weekend, and went on board this boat called Infinity. Its a group of people doing research on coral reefs, and saving them, some sort of scientific research group. And their boat, thought it certainly doesnt look like those luxury cruises, it look so cosy, so nice. Nice that they are going on an expedition for 2 years today. Wonder if i have the chance to join them, will I? I think I would.. but first up, learn swimming haha.. TRAVEL!!!!

Heres their website: www.pcrf.org
Go there and take a look bah..

My thoughts on people who create rumours: 2 numbers.. 3 & 8

My thoughts on people who commit suicide at mrt track: selfish..why let so many ppl see such a gruesome sight...

My thoughts on people who goes back even when they know its wrong and they have no future: Baka...

My thoughts.. if you disagree, then shut up.. I dont give a damn..

Plants grow and die. They have a longer life span than humans, and in return, they have less mobility. Their life is fairly map out for them the moment they are alive, minus the environmental and human factors.

Humans, they have a short life. The first 20 years is spent learning, and making out what society expects them to be. The next 30 years, is spent working, and doing what society wants them to do. The last 30 years, is when they decide to do what they wants to do, provided their previous 30 years give them the luxury to do that.

Me.. Im at the end of my first stage, but my mind is at the last stage, trying to figure out what I want. And before I do that, I dont want to move on to my next stage. But then again, I dont have a choice. Neither do people who are at the end of the last stage. Theres no more next stage, not in this world.

An imminent funeral...
Realities of life...
shit...

Some joys are better expressed in slience as a smile holds more meaning than words..

I agree.. I still remember your smile.. Do you remember mine? I suppose not..

my teacher tried to break my hand yest.. itai itai.. even got the crack sound when he bended my hand, and he appeared nonchalant!! wa.....

Been finding it harder and harder to keep my concentration nowadays, easily distracted even when theres no distraction..

talking abt that special someone doesnt mean i have a special someone in my mind now.. it jus what i envision.. so enough of tt grapevine..

Anyway, I jus watched the Departed recently.. and it is seriously better off departed.. if you watched infernal affairs before, dont watch this.. Matt Damon and Leonardo nvr pull off what Andy and Leung did. Next up, Death Note.

Was lying at the situp corner after my run just now.. and I was thinking, how I wish there is a blackout. Then I would be able to see the whole sky of stars. Stars that I only seen once in my whole life, when I was in thailand. I like times like this.. and I was thinking, if i can just have this type of moment once in a while, and have that special someone beside me, thats happiness..

I like this song... Because you loved me by Celine Dion

...You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me...

Today Sunday Times, in the Classfied, Class 189.. "Singaporean girl looking for suitors..."

-_-"'

A few days ago, a friend of mine posed this question to me, "are you sucidal?" And I took a while to think abt it.. and I said "yes".

Why...

Something I read in the sunday times today, and i think its pretty meaningful... so take some time and read it..

Why are we afraid of the dark? Why do snakes and spiders frighten us? If we were to trace all our fears down to their very root, we would inevitably come face to face with the Spectre of Death. To be no longer numbered amongst the living haunts us like no other demon. The knowledge that one day we will cease to be has turned some of us into philosophers and others into priests. Mostly, though, death has made cowards of us all. We pop vitamins, eat fibre, run three times a week: all the while looking warily over our shoulder to be sure that death's long shadow isn't gaining on us.

Our vigilance & all the advances in medical science make no difference. The statistics on death are still a hundred per cent, just as they used to be ten thousand years ago. Whoever is born, dies. A birth and a death, in fact, are the two only requirements for a life. Once we accept our demise as a certainty and a part of the cosmic deal; death becomes a friend who sits on our shoulder to remind us that, as we are only here for a short visit, shouldn't we be smelling the flowers along the way?

As Morrie so wisely puts it in Tuesdays with Morrie,' Once we learn how to die, we 'll learn how to live."

Never walk alone. We all pass away alone. Unless we die in a car accident with others, we are the only one dying at that moment in time. Death is, by its very nature, the loneliest experience man was ordained to endure. It is a loneliness that's compunded by the fact that we isolate hte dying at this crucial time. We isolate the dying by no longer talking to them. We isolate them by no longer listening to them. Sometimes we're not with them physically; but more often, we're no longer with them emotionally. The widely held notion that the dying do not want to talk about death is a myth. Of course, they wan to talk about it; they are about to enter the great unknown and talking can be therapeutic.

Haze haze haze.. its affecting everyone life.. argh.. so sian to see haze whenever you wake up, when you go school, when you walk out of the LT..

And its affecting my running schedule!!! Ok.. I dont really have a running schedule, I run when I dont feel lazy. But but.. now the situation change liao. I cant even run when I want to. Now, I run when I have a chance to. Like a few nights ago, when I saw that the sky is clear, I quickly change and run haha.. and then I saw 2 of my friends who also did the same thing! And this morning, when I saw the clear sky, I quickly go check the psi index.. lower than 50! CHANGE!! RUN!!

Anyway, while I was running this morning, I realise somethings. On friday night, its the national vandalism day again!!! yea.. mid-autumn = vandalism day! Cos you see so many candle wax, matchsticks, sparklers etc, all around parks, playgrounds. Really pity the clearners, have to manually remove this wax, and you know how hard it is to do that? TO all those who light their candles anywhere instead of on cardboard or something.. shame on you! Its totally true that Singapore is clean not because of our people, but because of the numerous foreign cleaners who keep the place clean.

I just need someone to tell me.. yapp, u dont have to study today.. and i be damn happy to do tt...

Shadows..

Everyone have shadows.
Whether its a shadow of your past..
shadow of your past relationships..
shadow of your former self..
shadow of your past failures..
shadow of many many things..

They always say to leave those things behind. But can it really be done? Sometimes these things do come back and haunt you, even if you try to forget about it. But these things are shadows.. they are your past, and will follow you everywhere. Whats important is not to get rid of your shadow, it is a part of you after all. Trying to get rid of your shadow by going to a darker place doesnt help.. it will only bring you deeper.

Whats important is for you to recognise this part of you, your own shadow, your own past, and face it. Remember, when people see you, they look at you, and not your shadow. Be yourself. Be what you want to be.

The last time when I went Sentosa during UOC, saw this super nice sand sofa built by 3 angmos... its damn nice.. and I keep asking my friends to go sentosa to build sofa haa..

And we finally went there on monday!! And I got my wish hahaa...
And to prove that our sofa is not jus nice to see, but also can work!
And even stand on it!
HAhaaa... And heres me with my beloved volleyball..

Shiok day... with sunburnt.. and many cuts on my toes and hands...

The recent Steve Irwin death have caused quite a debate, with Australians mourning the loss of a great tv persona, while critics saying he got what he deserve, for all his outrageous stunt over the years. As for me, when I receive the news, I was shocked, for I never expect someone like him, who have all the expertise and experience and more lives than that of a cat, to have died in such a way. And my immediate attention was to his family, for his wife to have lost her companion, and his childrens to lose a dad at such a young age..

As for his death, no one deserve to die. I have friends saying he deserved it, for what he do to the animals on his shows, manhandling the crocodile etc, and them saying they pity the crocodiles. And these are the very people who have been eating shark fins with no hesitation, and them complaining about him? Admittedly, I seldom catch his show. But to me, his intentions is good, even his ways of doing things is way out of ordinary.

And now this bloke is dead, killed by a stingray. For whatever that he did, like it or not, hes not going to do it again. So give him a break. Stop criticising. Stop saying he deserve it. What he deserve now, is for people to look at what he have done for the animals, what lasting impression he leave for many of us around the world. And for that, I respect him.

holiday le, but as usual, so many things need to hand up... still have to look for newspaper cuttings for 2 of my presentations, sian sianz...

Just finished watching 2 jap dramas. 2 touching dramas. 2 different endings. And Im sad, becos of the show. Stupid? But the show is just so nice, that it made me engrossed in it for 10weeks. She died.. Taiyou no Uta..

When these shows is coming to an end, I always feel sad, cos I know the show will end, and there wont be another show like this again. Not even if theres another show thats equally nice or even better. It just isnt the same anymore.. Just like now, my uni life, is in the final year le. Its going to end in 8 months time. Time really flies. Will I lose contact with my friends once I go into the workforce? My mkting friends... kgrp.. and sp... Will things ever be the same again?? Will we be so close together again?? will we do things together again?? There will be so many things i will miss..or rather, people that I will miss talking with..playing with..

I was going home yesterday when I alighted from my bus, and the first sight I see shocked me and my friend. We saw this couple sitting at the busstop, and with the gal sitting on the guy laps. And her legs was not by the side, but by both sides of the guy. Basically, a sex position.. The world is really changing, and you can see the reaction of people alighting from buses, and those on the side of the buses looking out. Or am I just getting older, and not understanding the thinking of youths??

Im taking 3 modules this semester, and my lecturers and tutors really cmi.. The only one I think can make it, is not teaching me now because he shares the seminars with another prof. Thats why they are making me study and study, not that I want to study so much one, Im not so hardworking =P

Today's Sunday Times got a section on Singapore A-Z.. v cute.. Heres some of the funnier but true things..:

A - Ah Long.. who else call these ppl Ah Long??
B for Beng.. Uniquely Singapore haha..
C for confirm plus guarantee chop... commonly used by me also haa..
D - die die.. sure die..
Changing meanings of acronyms.. SGH becomes Sure Give up Hope hhaa... One of my favs is RSAF.. Round, Short And Fat haha...
K for Kentang.. commonly used to refer to a Westernised Chinese person... Jia Kentang...
Powderful- An ironic mispronunciation of powerful...

Heres sometime abt flag day...Stickers serve as protection for the donors, who display the flags prominently to indicate to wouldbe flagsellers that they have already done their bit for charity haha...

S for staring incident..
T for Towkay...
T for Tissue paper.. used for chopping seats at hawker centers haha...
V for vomit blood..
Z for Zgng my car haha...

I have to admit.. the writer is damn right in most of the stuffs.. haha..nice one...

My msn nick:
Fearing the future...fearing the imminent loss...

am i thinking too much? i guess i do.. for once, i dislike the arrival of weekends..

Wah nice... I wrote one whole long story.. and the page didnt load when I click publish post!!! omg... Now I also forgot what I wrote le.. great...

Im jus so gd at wasting time.. and before i know it, its monday again.. sianz..

A week full of activities coming up.. n i shall mug more, for i cant study at home at all, totally zero productivity.. so if u see me studying in school, its not cos i am hardworking, but cos i am too nua..

The air is quite hazy today.. perhaps its the haze..

Been having incidents of breathlessness recently.. hopefully its not a medical condition..

I jus found out that the guy in akeelah, is actually morpheus fr matrix!!! No wonder i found him so familiar.. and kept telling my friend that I saw him somewhere, but just cant remember where..

Anyway, heres a quote in the show:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous.
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us -- it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others

-Marianne Williamson

I guess the dust have more or less settled, I will be retiring from union haha.. its a regret though, tt things didnt work out, but still, hopefully the events will grow better and better. Anyway, i shall concentrate on my other project, final year project! Super ma fan ar...so many things to do, on top of our normal workload... k, i noe i only 3 day wk, but then still, the reading materials for the 2 law modules is killing me man... Law, is a subject, whereby normal people write abnormal words and sentences, and make normal people like me read abnormal number of times to understand it. arghhh.....

Watched Akeelah and the Bee yest, about a girl who excelled in words, spellings, and went on to join the spelling bee contest, in spite of difficulties along the way. And.. heres my review... first time ever, i feel im so ignorant!!! Almost all the words they use in those context, i did not even hear of them before!!! WAh lau.... Precidigitation... whats tt supposed to be???? kaoz.... And in the show, primary school kids are spelling out words like tt, with latin bg, greek bg.. siao bor... Imagine using the dictionary as your textbook!

But anyway, its a nice show hhaa..

sianz...was too nervous during my presentation jus now, and sort of cock up in what i want to say... sucks.....

A lot of things happening recently, and its not within my control.. which is kind of sucky..

Should i continue on, UniPageant 07? Undecided.. so many factors to consider, but ultimately, its still my decision. Do I want it?

The new semester started le, and im already feeling the heat..and the pinch! All three of my modules need to buy new texts, and each cost fr $40+ to $60+!!! Now you know why professors are rich...

Another pageant over. Uoc Dnd.. the 4th pageant that I go through, the 3rd that Im in charge of. Im getting better!

How can I not get better after going through so many pageant? Anyway.. its been a fun night..
4 training sessions in the past wk..with one conducted by me..
Throughout the day, going through the rehearsal with the gers, making jokes along the way to make them relax..
Then sharing the one packet of nasi lemak with eric, chiewlin n june..n scavaging shuyin leftover food..
Drinking lots of coffee throughout the day..
Getting nervous as the time passed..
And then you see the gers watching tv and laughing away an hr before the event..
Briefing the gers and cheering them on..
E grp being written as F grp and getting told off by the emcee..
Praying the program goes well..
Praying that the couples will be spontaneous during segment 2.5...
Doing stupid cheers...
Singing national songs...
Buying mac on the way hm..
Insomia n slept at 6am cos I drank too much coffee..

A Night of Fun... Special Projects Rocks!

Even when we are creating tomorrow's past memories, we are missing yesterdays.

Im missing the drive to do things, dragging myself through life everyday. Perhaps I have break for too long. Or perhaps I have live for too long. Meanwhile, Im spending too much energy on past memories, instead of creating new ones. Let me be..

chased by dogs..
packing vegetables..
marvelling at bubbles and snails in a puddle..
seeing a cat giving birth..
seeing a cat giving birth and eating her newborn...
taking a tour on a lorry...
taking pics of flowers..
n papayas..
n the sunset..

things u wont experience in urban life.. a day at a farm..

Quoting from my friend's blog:
"It's strange how we try to recall memories of people who are gone . People who still live can create new memories with you again , however, people whom have gone first can never do that with us again."
"It happens that you will reach a stage of life when people starts to leave you."

Reading her blog.. I felt remorseful.. for when I was more concerned abt my own mood, I failed to realise that people around me, they have their difficulties in life too.. That each of us face different types of problems, enter into different mood everyday.

Another quote:
We are so busy thinking about our own bruises,our own scar,we forget how to forgive...But if we just take the time to peek into someone elses world,even the unforgiveable, be forgiven.

I have attended several funerals now..mostly are parents or grandparents of my friends. And each time, I never spoke more than a sentence to the friend involved..for I really do not know what to say. Things like dont be sad..its futile..how can someone not be sad? How do you cheer up someone in those type of situation?

Life does go on..even as we lost people close to us along the way. But while it is important to look ahead..sometimes we should really spare some time, and reflect on our memories.

On a heavier note.. ive been having erratic mood..can go fr high to low the next sec.. perhaps my fren is right..i do feel unhappy. I know i offended many people in the past few wks..and have a high tendency to rebuke even if the initial wordings meant no harm.. sigh..

Back fr camp!!! after 1 wk of absence..its been a good time, n didnt want it to end actually. Thoroughly enjoyed it, and really, KaJa RockS!!! hehe.. :)

I started off slow, on the initation night, cos theres just so many seniors ard, i didnt have to do anything. And then the 2nd day we have the field games, pool games, and of course the fright nite, and was acting ghost with kelvin, xiuhui and chiewlin.. wanted to avoid it initially, but in the end still go there n act ghost..Wheres the baby..find the baby.. haha.. Bonding bet my fellow seniors haa.. And this find my baby joke went on thruout the camp

We have round the sch games, sp interaction, og dinner and buttery factory on tuesday. The sp interaction day is v fun.. 4 freshies fr different grps sitting together, blindfolded, interacting with each other... and we seniors secretly sit ard and evesdropping hhaa.. and also took lots of bashing photos haa.. Lots of memories on tt night..laughter on the train cos of zhichao and minghui..us eating at thai express at city link, and telling lame jokes..and me never been able to finish my food cos kris kp adding her share to me.. n then we walked to butter factory fr city link..its so far away..n we ended up playing the diu game in club#$% haa.. And the freshies..walked to the dance floor first, and started playing the shui ban dan game, kelvin who was following them, walked back the our seat and give me the diaoz face haa...

we have amazing race on the 4th day, for which i was missing most of the time, joining them back in the afternoon, then in sentosa we spent the night there in the sapphire hall. Had candlefight on tt night too, for which we lost all the games, but it was v fun, esp the last game with our sister grp elvis.. super friendly game with lots of laughter.. it jus show u dont have to win to have fun! slept quite late at night cos some of us walked to 7eleven to buy food, and a few freshies actually have icecream! And ya, we started singing national songs at the bus terminal at sentosa haa..

5th day of beach games.. saw a very amazing thing.. 3 amos, they build a sand sofa! its super amazing! will post the photos when i get them, and next time must go there play sand! super nice nice.. One whole day of beach games..and one funny thing..shaggy cheering for Edmund haa.. cos he allowed them goals twice haa, so we started saying hes a traitor, and he started shouting shaggy rocks! haa.. The night ended with us at the chalet at aloha loyang, and going out to eat supper.

6th day, Sp Day, mamasan day.. Minghui was absolutely high over his sp haa.. wanting him to strip, sing etc.. and then we 5 seniors and her hiding under blankets for her sp to chose. And ya..she actually had a painting on exhibition at harbourfront there, cos she got gold award.. wow... at night was the cheerfight, which we went to the 2nd/final round, but lost out. Still, Kaja motto is, life goes on haa.. And then its a night of bbq, and at 3am, i managed to get the seniors out to the beach haha.. Keep stopping them fr slping by saying lame jokes..Edmund was awoken by me..and he shouted shaggy rocks when we were leaving haa.. And one more thing, in the morning when i woke up..went back room to find it latched.. then was calling the freshie to open the door..but only saw daphne waking up, sitting up, and looked at me, then turned away.. argh... and she and another person, jus sat there stoned.. haha..guessed they too tired liao..

Sunset in pasir ris.. its nice, and would be even nicer if there isnt ships there.. and theres also a lot of hermit crabs there! small small ones at the beach when it recide.. and also the few of us playing with our shadows at the beach..

7th day/last day. Breaking camp..and the whole camp shouting steve sucks, we agree.. having a common enemy really bonds ppl haa.. And so we ended our day at White sands swensens..KaJa Lives on!!!

I dont understand why, I still bother to organise outings, when people dont appreciate it. Some people can jus make things difficult..not wanting to confirm with you whether they are coming.. and then there are people who fly plane last min, and jus give some lame excuses.. and then there are those who complain abt this and tt.. They jus pissed me off.. I dont understand why I bother...

And there are people who can ask whether they can pay less cos they come late..

Why should I bother?

I already gave up on my uni class, even deleted myself fr the yahoo grp, to stop even the slightest intention of me organising anything. All those natos...

Hey! i dont owe anyone anything! Stop pissing me off!

maybe

Work finally ended. Now more work to do..pa report..pageant coordination...start of school...fyp...
Will it end? never.. if it end, it means my end too. A life without doing anything, would be hard to pass.

In any case, gonna be gone next week, for my freshmen orientation camp. Fun fun!!

Lakeside Mrt, 7am.
The crowd of zombies..
patiently waiting for their buses..
Life...What is it about?

When someone doesnt reply ur msg..
or answer ur call, or even return ur missed call..
you get worried.. anxiety..
and you wonder what she is doing right now..
hoping everthing is fine with her..

thats the only thing i wish now..

Dramas have become so inspirational, and influential to me nowadays..
watched a tennis drama, wanted to learn tennis,
watched a korean drama, wished i can play the piano..
watched a jap drama, and thought i shld have chosen an advertising firm for pa.
Now even advertising firm interest me le..tt kind of job..challenging to clear any boredom in life..

Wish...upon a shooting star...

A quote fr Spring Waltz,

We are so busy thinking about our own bruises,
our own scar,
we forget how to forgive...
But if we just take the time to peek into someone elses world,
even the unforgiveable
be forgiven

Its late, im tired, but I dont feel like sleeping. Perhaps becos i have nothing to look forward to. Nothing.

- World Cup Final -

Italy vs France, who will win??? Im rooting for Italy haa.. hopefully it be an exciting match..and not too defensive.. if nt i will fall asleep.. And surprisingly, i haven bet on any matches during this world cup!! Hmmm.. think cos too busy(or bored) by work, and also cos of the stupid starhub having exclusive rights that i didnt really catch a lot of matches.

- Dog eye see people low -

A fact of life. Sometimes people judge you on your background, and sort of look down on you. I remembered this incident a few sems back. One of my classmate, asked another what jeans he wear, and he answered he dunno whats the brand. Then this classmate of mine, replied, aiya..mus be some branded jeans. What she answered, is not based on what she see, but on my fren background. Rich.

Whether its intentional or not, its jus the way we are brought up, the way we view people being influenced by our environment. Another incident happened, thats why i thought of this. And i have only one answer. Go ahead and look down on me, I will be worth more than you in future, regardless of the clothes i wear.

v sian at work recently, cos all i do is filing and filing..next time can go apply for librarian liao.

Something else to talk abt today..Student Union.
Being in it for 2 yrs, i can tell u..the organisation sucks. A lot of ppl inside have no committment at all, and you wonder why they are in it in the first place. The director can go on holiday for one month and come back only before the orientation camp start. And then you have have the leader going overseas study when there is 2 major events coming. Absolutely no responsibility at all, and they shouldnt be there in the first place..And then you can have the ppl who sabotage my event last yr being the pres this yr.

But anyway, thats how it is.

One week of non-vball..feeling unfit already.. but its a good rest for my hand, cos i injured it last wk. Hopefully it will totally heal by next wk. And ya, been watching korean drama Spring Waltz recently..getting sadder and sadder..really wonder why is it so hard to love someone? It really makes me wonder whether i have really did enough.. But anyway, its a nice show, esp at the beginning, it reminds me of why i like korean shows.. cos the whole feeling, the atmosphere of the whole show.. its v nice..

Another weekend is here.. expect to stay at hm cos dont really have activities.. and should start writing my logbook le..ja..

its been a long long time since i blog.. just too lazy..

watched 2 jap dramas that features sports recently.. one on vball, and the other on tennis. Both shows feature a player who perserve and work her way to the top through her hard work and effort... really inspiring..

it makes me think back to the past.. my jc vball days.. wished i had done more last time, i could have been in the first team, instead of losing my place. If only... and guess such chances wouldnt come by now. But now, I wanna improve my vball skills.. i want to get better, get stronger!

And ya, Ueto aya acted in both shows. Kawaii!!!

im irritated!!!! Im still sick...argh.. 3rd day of eating med liao still like tt... tmr i shall go and bang my doc's table!!

nah...jus joking... but seriously damn sian, to be sick and all..dont even have appetite to eat anything, not tt the canteen food is appetising also la.

trying not to work ot now, jus go hm early n rest.. even this morning my supervisor asked me to take half day off, cos i looked sick. but i didnt take also la, not one to take sick leave easily.

4 more weeks to end of attachment..i seriously wonder how im gonna write my report...

a bad week, bad bad week. Firstly down with sorethroat.. then start losing my voice.. then kenna fever and headache, n flu and cough...

Only jus saw the doc, 5 types of medicines given.. and panadol sucks manz, eat one week liao also nvr recover...

so now eating porridge.. the only time i ever eat porridge is when im sick..

i cant get to slp!!! argh.... what a great way to start off my monday... have to wake up at 6am later, sure super shag one... mus be the coffee i drink just now.. and now im hungry le!! oh manz....

Sometimes when you came home, and u see nobody around, and u have nothing to do, then u start thinking n thinking n thinking till u kp thinking about bad things, and you get moody. Thats how i am now.

got a sore throat now, from eating brownies, fish n chip, satay, curry, n chocolates yest.. n i choke on water at plaza jus now..so paiseh...

One of my colleague, supposed to get married in 2 weeks time..she was still handing out invitation cards last week. But now the bf met an accident, in icu..seems so much like tv..why does such things happen? life is sucky isnt it?

My leg still hurts.. from the vball at sentosa last sunday..damn.. too long nvr exercise huh, or am i just getting old?

Maybe I overexert myself there..

In any case, theres no other possible option. I always give 101% when I play vball, no way am i going to let the ball drop without giving it my best shot. no way i give up.

But right now, obviously my body cant catch up with my will, and 3 days after playing, my leg still hurts, to the extent that I haven run since then.

Cmon!!! I want to train for vball!!! ATtack!!!

Long long time... Busy w work...but i suppose its better to be busy than to have nothing to do, cos time pass more easily this way.

Nrn.. means no reply needed.. Sometimes, I added this in my sms, to close off a conversation, without wasting the other person's sms to reply again.

But on other times.. perhaps its just for myself.. not to expect any reply fr the other one. The expectation of a reply that never came, is always hard for me to take. The constant checking of my phone..the constant disappointment..the constant waiting..

But anyway, if u are reading this, u fall in my first category =P

100 Things #3: Frequency

Heard of frequency before? Its a movie, released in year 2000, in my jc1 time. A movie that only some of you might have heard of, as it doesnt have any famous actor or actress in the show. But this movie is of particular significance to me, for its the first time I asked a gal out.

I remember that time, I asked her out a few days ago, not quite remember what she answered me though. But anyway, on tt day itself, guess she also forgot abt it le, thus when school ended, I was walking along the corridor when I saw her, with her group of friends. Being me, of course I didnt dare to ask her out in front of her friends.

So just walk out of school, and then i saw her at the busstop, alone! And thus, the chance to ask her, and she agreed! And so ya, watched the movie, then go home together..

Anyway, in case u're wondering, theres no fairytale ending to this. Memories..

Its sunday... oh no... sunday... the second dreaded day of the week, becos its the eve of the most dreaded day of the week.. and what better way to spend it than nuaing at home? ya i do prefer to be out, but then time always pass so fast when you are out on a sunday.

2 weeks of pa le. pa is so mafan..work and have to write report of it at the end. why??? haiz.. underpaid..overwork... sounds so much like army.. haha..

Shall start writing my logbook now..

Things I miss since starting work:
1. Sleep!
2. Nuaing!
3. Slacking!
4. Free time for myself
5. School, meeting friends everyday
6. Exams. Like it ornot, exams give me a goal to aim for

Things I hate about this job:
1. Waking up at 6am everyday! sigh...tired leh.. waking up so early means having to sleep early too
2. The workplace is so far away! But bo bian la...
3. 5.5 days week! gosh... same pay, but more work than my peers
4. Its so far away from town. The name are in no way associated with tuas lor...

Things I like about this job:
1. The people there are very nice, very friendly. The company culture is good
2. My supervisor is very zai, very knowledge
3. The place is so nice, very nice scenery. The sun, the sea, and the sky.
4. Meeting millionaires! Been an eye opener for me, learning about their perspectives
5. An insight into how country club operate

Its been 4days of pa, finally a rest today from waking up at 6am in the morning everday. Super tiring. But then, tmr have to work again.

Why must i work on sat when everyone else gets the day off? sigh.. just have to take it for 2.5months. And the other intern, his intern is only for 8 weeks, 2 weeks less than mine. arghh...

At least the people there are nice, and the place is nice, which made everything well.

Its been a long time since I find 24hrs is not enough. I just dont have time to nua at all haa.. And its very bad for a nuaster! But im getting fat haa.. I need time to run!!!

Ok, think im starting to talk crap. Anyway anyway anyway..what else i want to say..? hmm.. oh ya, hope arsenal wins next wed haha.. they play nice football.. but Im still a manu supporter =P

Hungry hungry...going out for dinner now... buaiz.. hope everyone else is doing well! Can always come and visit me, the sunset here is nice!

Attended a wake yesterday.. Im still at a lost over how to behave or react or say at a funeral..and I will never learn to.

100 Things: #2

This is a post about my dog, Toro.
Since young, I always wanted to have a dog. It always seemed so nice to have one playing with you. And there was once, when my uncle brought one to our house, not sure about what breed is it, but its super cute, like a week old? When we put him in the kitchen where its dark, it would bark..and then I would bring him out to the living room. But within 3days my uncle brought him away, cos my dad didnt like having a dog at home, becos of the smell and dirtiness. I was quite sad tt time.

Toro came 2 years ago, around sep04, when I just went into uni. He was like a month old? still small size, but being a jack russell, he was super active. He would jump out of the fence often, and I do mean a fence tts as high as my waist. Which dog being one month old, knows how to do that, repeatly. And then we would chase him around the house, and put him back.

There was this once, I was playing with him, him chasing me around the house, when he jumped at me while im running, and sort of got caught by my legs. The immediate barking, or should i say crying, I wouldnt forget at all. At the moment, I was totally at a loss..trying to calm him down and totally overwhelmed by the situation. We brought him to the hospital immediately, and he stayed there for the night. His leg was fractured, or dislocated, and a few days after, he underwent surgery to fix back his leg. Thats why till now, he still could not totally bend his front right leg.

Hes the newest addition to this family, and he would remain here for as long as he can. There has been a few times, where his behaviour wasnt good, that my dad suggested to give him away, and I would totally ignore my dad, or talked back to him. No way, no way I was going to let him go, and by now, I wouldnt think any of us would do that. Hes the first person everyone looks forward to when we come home. And he sleeps with me or my sis every night haa..

And one last thing, hes the roach buster haa..

My horoscope today:
Face it - you care a lot more about a certain person that you dare to admit. How can you figure out what to do next if you dont know whats going on within yourself? Talk it out so you know where you stand.

Yesterday marks the end of the exam period. Finally!!! haha.. finally i can watch my jap dramas, animes, play games without feeling guilty! Dunno y, but I always have this trend of playing more and more game, watching more and more drama during exam period itself. Bad habit huh..

Anyway, yest went to eat at secret recipe, something called chicken condon i think, cant rem the exact name. Chicken chop, filled with ham and cheese. Its not bad, just that the whole piece is so big, thus unable to eat the ingredients together. So in the end, its like eating chicken chop, and then eating ham and cheese seperately.

Went to a pub at esplanade after that, or should i call it a bar? Whatever..went to a alcohol drinking place hhaa..with vinc, sr and fiona, and after tt went for supper at glutton square. prata..prawn mee..dian xin...sugar cane.. haa.. its always nice to eat supper with frens, and nua there haa..

Initially decided to go home after that, but then esplanade dont have my NR!!! ... so...went to watch movie, and take first bus home haha.. Daisy..hmm... not bad la, the plot is quite simple though, but I dont think the male lead acting is all that great. In the end, its a korean ending haa..

Oh ya, theres this place at cine, e-max or something, can play xbox there.. then they got rooms for watching movie too. $10/hr/rm, $6 for dvd rental, seems reasonable to me. But the important thing is, it resembled my yr 1 mkting project!!! Even the name is so familiar!! haha.. maybe my mkting tutor did something unethical hhaa.. but anyway, the rooms there looked so cosy!! mus go there some time!

I wont do well for tmr paper le. How can I do well when I spend more time playing game yesterday, and on watching jap drama today. haiz.. but arh..forget it, last paper le, i shall concentrate on watching lost later. and ya, the female lead in the new jap drama, attention please, is so so so chio!!! haha..

my dog is a roach buster..he jus helped me killed another xiao qiang..n n n...theres this crunchy sound when he bited xiao qiang! yucks...

100 Things: #1

The train.
The train im talking about here, is not MRT. Its the real type of train, to malaysia. Used to take it to go to my grandma hse last time, until my sec sch times when we use car, and then to buses. The train ride took 6hrs+ to reach KL from Singapore, then used to take it from tanjong pagar there. But nowadays no one take train le la, cos take bus to kl only take 3hrs+, much much faster.
Remembered last time, before we go train station, always stocked up one junk food to eat on the train, to keep ourselves occupied. And the train would go past endless kampungs..you could see those traditional house and all, cows and other farm animals too.

The study environment in my rm:

My laptop is right in front of me on the table, net connection on.(obviously..if not how i blog..)
Oreo wafer stick to my left.
Oren cookies to my right.
Mocha and tiramisu coffee to my right.
TV on my right, with my ps2.
Super rings, pringles, honey stars, caramel corn, famous amos cookies, in front of me, on my desktop.
Bed in front of me.
Bangkok, Pattaya, BTS map on my table.
Toro jumping ard, wants me to play with him.

Teach me how to study in this rm??? haha..

I saw a rainbow yesterday!
It was like such a long time ago since I saw one. Because its hard to see one? Or is it because I seldom bother to slow down my steps and look for one?

Nature is such a wonder.
Peace.
Calm.
I like things that got to do with nature. Jus gazing at the sky, or looking at the waves.

I actually feel nervous while walking to the examination hall today. yea.. felt nervous, increased heartbeat and all. Too long nvr exam le haa..

today is a slack day. Strange..cos tmr is my first paper, never slack like this b4. This reminds me of my secondary school days, not tt i always slack before exams, but tt for my maths paper, i always have an hour or more to sleep after finishing the paper. And I do mean i finished the paper long before the given time. Thats such a luxury those times, challenging each other to see whos going to sleep earlier. Theres a few maths expert in class, and its always a challenge to see who would get the highest marks.

Anyway, those is past glory le, getting A for me nowadays, especially for marketing subjects, is a much higher challenge. marketing marketing marketing..I got C for it, but i still chose this specialisation. This sem have been a revelation for me, seeing people who are so good in talking, real good in linking this and that together, the art of marketing. Am i going to succeed in this field? I dunno..but i will fight for it.

I have confirmed my travel plans, going back to bangkok again! haa.. going to be the 4th time liao. I jio-ed my comm tt time..and some of them actually said they dont want to see me come back in ashes. Suan le.. im not goint to jio them again, those ham cheese ppl.

ya..tt person did jumped down..tt explains his pose. Funeral there today already. My dad said he heard a thump sound, but I never hear anything with my windows wide open. Cant imagine..tt person jumped down behind my back, and i have no idea at all.. gosh..

jus as when i said i have nothing to blog abt.. someone died under my block there, dunno if he jumped down or what though, but the coroner sure took a long time to come n collect the body.

nothing to blog abt.. except exams... wish me luck, i need plenty..

today's newspaper features a coverage of hospice. Didnt noe the existence of this place, 4 in total in spore, till i read it this morning. This is a place where terminally ill ppl are sent to spend their remaining days.

A sad place ya.. cant imagine how the docs and nurses there spend their working days, seeing an average of one death a day. it surely takes a lot of courage on their part, as someone like me would have gone into depression immediately shld i work there. As what one of them said, the patients there dont have much days left in their life, so their aim is to let them have as much life in their remaining days.

Death is an unavoidable final journey. Birth, growing old, getting sick and death is part and parcel of life, so just as we receive a life born into this world happily, we should let go of the dead peacefully too. This is life. Death is part of it too.

School officially ended today. Next week is the start of the exams period, though im starting on the week after, and ends in 2 wks time.

Time in university always seems so fast, one day you just started your first lecture, and the next u rushing through projects, and now its exams already. Time used to flow very slowly during jc and sec sch times, when the holiday u been waiting for seems to come so slowly. And soon i be spending 10wks on attachment, and after tt will start school liao! sianz...

In the midst of my studying now, not optimistic about my grades this sem, with the amount of effort im putting in now. Been getting back assignment tt performed moderately only also..not looking too gd.

Even my mood have been affected. sianz sianz..

lost lost.. super nice!! haha.. gonna depend on the weekly fix fr channel 5 now

For those who want to see photos fr the steamboat + cele session, go this blog: http://www.xia-fantasy.blogspot.com/
haa.. yea, im lazy, and since cuixia already posted some photos up, save me the hassle of doing tt haa..

My ward here got a sports complex 'roadshow' just now, and i went there to take a look. Free food, free performance etc, but i only hit and run. Anyway, something i notice about the sports complex. Its not stated when it will be built, and i guess the main point of it all is the word "proposed". Manifest meaning huh.. Another thing i noticed. Theres 2 pools in the plan layout, but but.. under the description of the sports complex, it mentioned basketball court, volleyball court, tennis court, cafeteria, but no swimming pool! Misrepresentation? ....

Im getting skeptical of all these already. And ya, calling the event a roadshow..when theres no start date of construction.. disguised rally? ....
Enough of politics haa..

Time to study.

Preparation tt started wks ago finally came to fruit today, and seeing the smile on their face made it all worthwhile.

Had a happy steamboat session just now, to celebrate 2 bday in advance. And when we brought the cake in after the steamboat, they had this surprise n happy look tts so memorable. Sometimes, all it takes is a smile on someone else face to make your day.
Ultimately, just glad tt they enjoyed it, and their laughter throughout while flipping the hilarious album.

Lost is nice. Intriguing, my friend said.
I agreed. nice.

Exams is nearing, jus counted the days on my calender, 19days if excluding tmr. AND IM GETTING SLACKIER!!! Someone please motivate me.

Perhaps the increase coursework this sem made me feel like i already done alot, and now is the time to rest. siao ar....

I think im against animal trading, be it dogs or rabbits. Them being taken from their natural habitat, and placed under the control of their owner. Somehow its jus not right. To think that Im actually supportive of the idea during my first sem mkting proj, that is to rent dogs. And ya, im against myself. Sometimes i do wonder what my dog would be doing if hes not locked up in this hse. Freedom, the very thing man promote, is not applied to other species. The theory of man's best friends is just another myth to support man.

eating my self-cooked mee hoon kuay now. ok, its not really self-cooked la, soup n ingredients prepared by my mum, kuey is bought one also, jus tt i put both together n heat it up haa..

Read in the newspaper that pap wards had an average of 500+ to spend on per household, while in opposition ward, they spent only abt $100+. Unfair isnt it? pap is such a bully isnt it? u can see cases of lift upgrading in opposition wards, where lifts cant stop at every floor, jus cos hdb dont approve it. Do you see that in pap wards? definitely no. Poor residents who voted for the opposition.

Here at my ward, my mp being interviewed, said about how much this area improve ar.. got this new shopping mall, got tt new linkway etc.. which leads me to think, good job done = building the number of covered walkway? I think it sounds stupid. I will expect more software than hardware, things like activities that get community together, improved relationship bet neighbours, mp interacting with residents? I nvr saw my mp before, perhaps cos its always been walkover here.

Anyway, enough of politics. I can see myself involved in politics 10yrs down the road haha..looking forward to monday..

Today's straits times..

reported on the new skytrain in changi airport. And it got a new name, People Mover System. Get it? no?

In a country like singapore, where ppl like to take short form of anything long, think ERP, PIE, BKE, MRT, LRT, COE etc.. they actually lacked the eyesight when selecting a name for the new train system... oh my gosh.. PMS!!! what a name... its a joke manz.. baka baka..

These days, when walking to my bus booth in boonlay mrt, theres an obstacle i have to cross, and its irritating. STUPID INSURANCE AGENT!!!... super irritating ar...
Whats ur nationality?..
Im not interested...
How u noe u are not interested when i have not even start talking?
erm...Im jus not interested...
They jus dont get it. I guess tts part of their requirement ba, to be thick skinned. Thats why i dont like personal selling, and i will not associate myself with those areas too, tts why i avoided all companies doing these stuff for my pa choice. None in the savings or insurance or related stuffs.

exams coming le wor, 26more days, but im still slacking. but i shall not work too hard this sem haa.. too lazy le =P

Halfway thru my acct tutorial.

yest marks the end of another of my project. yeah! one more to go, n tts it! n then i can start preparing for exams.. argh.. ok, i shouldnt complain, at least i got my pa company le, and hopefully they do what they promise, go bintan resorts! haha..

im bored. I need something to look forward to. I wan go abroad!!

Waiting for sun to set now..i really cant study in the day, damn sian..

One whole day wasted! argh... at a time when i appealing for more time, I wasted so many hours doing nothing. And exam is so so near already, one month away. gosh..

Life is full of unknowns
tts why its interesting
life is full of unknowns
tts why u should live on
to find out what awaits u

Translated from Saiyuuki.. but english doesnt sound tt nice haha..

got some spamming fr tagboard..

When a relationship is fated to end, it gotta end. No matter how much u want to save it, you only seek to prolong its existence, but in the end, there is no future. Cracks will remain as cracks, no matter how good the superglue is. Overtime, the superglue will lose its stickiness too, and ultimately, breakup is inevitable.

It take 2 hands to clap, and both hands need to clap continuously. When one starts to drift away, no matter what the other do, the situation cant be saved. Busy is just an excuse. Theres never such thing as a reason for not being there, for one have control over oneself.

Going school now..

in seminar now... tutor is so so boring...

I was tour guide on the campus tour bus yesterday, for the ntu open house. Everything was fine, till a super irritating gal went on board, and act big, and then said me n my fren are lousy tour guide etc.. And i feel like lambasting her... If not for the other prospective students on board, and for the image of ntu.

Saw this on the net. Click to view.

at home now.. i wan go IT show.. sigh sigh...

a big lot of assignments waiting for me..wkend burn liao.. cos gotta help out in the open hse tmr. Not slping early today cos of tt too, revert back to normal sleeping hrs for one day.

Was supposed to go donating blood yest, but but... ended up with a running nose the night b4, and then woke up at 330am on tt morning cos of stomachache.. and then stomach starts striking with my nose.. damn... half a year nvr donate le..

oh yea.. i watched the song hui qiao movie le, my girl & i. Not as good as i expected bah, compared to previous korean movies i watched, not as touching, and the storyline doesnt flow tt smooth. A list of korean movies i think is nice: My sassy girl, a moment to remember, Windstruck, the classic, april snow..seems like im following only 2 actress, jeon ji hyun and son ye jin haa..

Butterfly effect- The flap of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas

Alric effect- The few words from a person can set off a few days of depression of another.

Been finding myself with more time, now tt i changed my schedule. More time for me to do my work, and also less time chatting with my frens, cos i chat a lot during the night time, when most ppl are online. And now that I am most likely sleeping during those hours, and no one is online during the AMs, i make more effective use of time.

Loss of time chatting w frens maybe.. but ya, been wanting to get rid of this habit.. i pretty much prefer to get off my chair, and get out somewhere instead, but i dont get out as much as i would like to..partially becos my grps of frens dont really get out so often. Perhaps tts why im always the organiser of outings.. so as to get ppl to go out with me? sigh...pathetic..

$230 to Taipei, return airfare,
$95 to Bangkok, return airfare,
relevant taxes included
travel fr 1st july to 30 sep, book by 14march.

Wanna go..but i can only confirm myself.. sucks.. anyone interested?

i need to slp le..

Been changing my sleeping pattern recently, tt is to slp in the day and study at night. Heres my plan, my slping hrs will be 5pm-12am. The rest of the day is to do work. so basically, By 5pm, i be very tired. But for the time being, still cant get myself to dawn yet, still feeling slpy at night, but by the end of this wk, i should be there le.

Jus like what my fren put on his nick, "i will be see sunrise for the next 2 days", i will too bah haa.. Anyway, this change in sleeping pattern is to combat my apparent lack of mood to study haa..cos now, even studying in sch doesnt really work for me le. So so, i change my arrangement in my room, change my sleeping pattern, change my study hours, and hope something good comes out of it.

Thurs will be the IT show.. maybe gonna get a graphics card, cos the one on my desktop is going bonkers.. sucks man, tts my second card gone le.. cos i on my com 24hrs a day? ok la, not tt bad, i did let it rest in the day one after all.

415am, time to slp..

In the mood of posting photos hee.. so heres some fr the iceskating session 2wks ago:

Eric, the ever capable bus mag
Group photo tt i happen to be skating by
my dear vice chair haa
looks like i caught a fish isnt it?
showing u the way to breaking ice
wanshang
another grp photo
and me!

Actually there is a grp photo w everyone inside..but then..i looked super gay inside!!! haha.. so nah..im not gonna post tt up =P

hmm.. i quite like this blogskin, thoughly the colour combination is similiar to my previous one, but the background pic is nice.

A good news this morning, tt bukit panjang is now a single ward. So whats the significance of it? It is likely that I will get to vote!! haa.. Wondering why im getting political? hee.. but then again, i dont favour any opposition party also..how how..next time i will stand for election..

was telling my fren jus now tt i had no mood to study..then she told me no need study one, jus find a rich gf can liao, then can live off her n go iceskating everday.. And i replied tt i want to be the rich bf ppl come n find. A sign of trying to climb up the status clasS? i would tink that my statement is true, for those of u protesting and defending urself now..u look ard and if u see a guy with car, most prob hes attached. Materialistic is prevalent in this world, theres no escaping it. Sweeping statement? Bring me the statistics n i will show u.
ya, some of you would probably be saying that its not true, trying to convince urself that the fact that ur bf has a car has no bearing on your decision to be with him.. but its like saying the budget giveout has nothing to do with the coming election, not tt i mind anyway.

Thats how the world go about anyway..speaking of righteous to the world, and behind the back doing some other contradicting things.
Just like how some animals rights organisation protesting against the eating of dogs in Korea, wheres their base of argument? Might as well be a vegetarian.

Anyway, back to the point, the world is never a level playing field. Its really just how you make of it. And i shall go and study now.

End of another week, its march already.. so fast..

Started the week without the mood to study, and ended the week the same way too. Studying in sch is losing the novelty effect on me liao, and now that school is like home, it means I am able to slp easily in sch too haa.. n ya, i slpt when im supposed to be studying. I wish its the other way round..study when asleep, how great will it be.

Just changed the arrangement of my room hee..fengshui shld be better now haa.. GIVE ME THE MOOD TO STUDY!!! haha.. but then, on the contrary, i have been playing game since I rearranged it haa..

Think im getting more n more unpredictable..who can calm me down...

playing w the idea of going malaysia just before exams now..

Had fun iceskating with sp comm yest..nan de got so many ppl there for outing haa.. eric, songlin, wanshang, yy, chiewlin, fish, liz, nicholas, kenneth, cuixia, charles..n curt & adeline joined us too. Fish fell the most times, but tts why hes the most improved yesterday too, skating around at the end of the day though tts the first time he skate. yy fell thrice, 2 of which is caused by me haa..opps..=P saw a lot of ppl spinning theretoo, those students, like those we saw on tv. Will i reach tt standard? haa.. fat hope lor.. but i will go learn it in the future, after i had enough surplus in my bank acct haa.. hear tt pap? too bad i have no opposition in my area =P

Just watched Princess Mononoke, another nice show! I want to buy Studio Ghibli dvd!! haa..

ok i drank vodka again. 3rd consecutive nite? hmmm.. anyway, vodka taste nice with 7up ice.

Was in school today for the meeting, and before the meeting met yy for lunch one, but when she came, she brought along a foreign friend haa.. theres this guy fr nigeria who sat beside her in the bus on the way to school, and asked her about directions to go to the admin area, and so she told him she got a friend who knows how to go there. And there I was, bringing him there haa..

Anyway, me n yy was talking to him on the way there, n its quite interesting hearing him talk about how he come spore to study, only been here for 8 days etc. He said his parents had a very good impression of Singapore, that Singapore have high technology, and thats why hes here. And as for why his parents have such high regards for Singapore is becos of the siamese twins seperation here the other time. I would have thought that the seperation would have brought singapore reputation n status in the medical arena, but not as far fletched as helping out in the education though. Amazing.

And ya, he was wearing business suit, complete with business case. Looked so unlike a student, i have not even wear so formal in my life before. But hes a nice guy, he said "cool" when i replied to his qn whether im a singaporean haa.. Great start to a day, hope he can fulfil his ambition in Singapore.

The meeting was as usual, long and draggy, and though i was energetic at the beginning, my enthusiatism twine towards the end. Of cos tt was partly due to me slping at 4am the previous nite. Initially jus stayed up in case cass needs any help on the proposal n budget, cos apparently she hadnt done it yet. Then at 2 plus i realised tt figure skating is showing on tv haha.. Its nice man...samba..rumba..salsa.. etc... on ice!!! wow...they are good manz.. will i ever get to even a tenth of their level?? An ambition thats far far fetched...

Another 2 projs meeting tmr.. sian manz, the whole recess wk filled with projs n meetings.. i think my frens frustrated w me also, cos i was saying wanting to study in sch during recess wk, and yet i cant make it. sigh...

Borrowed 4dvds today, need to find time to watch it now.. when when when...

my dog was walking me just now, when I saw this father with 2 kids. He was teaching his childrens to ride the bicycle, and he really was making effort to teach them. Imagine him running back and forth with different kid continuously, holding the bicycle while one of his kid ride it. Spending time with his children, thats how a father should be.

Was thinking through some things just now..that I dont have the courage to chase a gal that I like.

Fear.

with my toro, and my dinner, and me..

yeah, another episope of home alone. The whole sunday being spent reading straits times, and then meddling with my dvd writer, and jus finished watch Kate & Leopard. Its a nice movie. Shall hit the books later.

Rainie yang have a new song, "you dont belong to me", its nice.

one week of recess week, which I can either spend it catching up with all my work, or waste it completely. And it highly likely to be the latter, for I have lost all the discipline that I once had. Discipline that brought me to where I am now, that brought me through my O levels and A levels. Can I truly get my 2nd upper? Remote.

Shall go and fulfil one of my chinese new year resolution, that is to walk my dog more often.

argh.. great.. i jus type one whole para, and it didnt get submitted.. now im too lazy to rewrite le..jus had my acc2 quiz.. 730pm on a friday nite jus before e recess wk..stupid timing..

finally got a bit of time. finally the recess break is here, thought it will be filled up w projs n more projs. And not to mention the numerous chapters that i have lagged behind.

Anyway, jus had acc2 quiz. quite stupid, cos they set it at730pm on a fri.. then i was like having 5hrs break, damn sian.. hope i do well for this.

Went to the pet shop near my hse to buy some pet food jus now. and saw that there was a lot of ppl there also. Seems like a lot of ppl are buying dogs, naybe cos this is the dog year bah. Cos it seems like the pet shop is doing a roaring business, always see the dogs there change when i went there for like once a week, since it started selling dog at the start of the year. Maybe they anticipated the increase in demand bah, cos of the dog year. But hopefully ppl do not buy dogs jus becos of impulse..hope they wont get abandoned after their owner get bored of them. tts why i give my parents attitude when they even have the slightest suggestion of letting go of our dog.

Anyway, to talk abt the bkk trip, was there mainly for shopping bah, and bought quite a bit of clothes there, cos comparatively its much cheaper there. But there are things that are more expensive too, even simple brands like giordano n bosinni sell quite ex there. I enjoyed the trip, particularly cos Thai hospitability is really v gd. really nice ppl over there.

yup..im back fr bangkok already, but been busy catching up w work to e extent of not having time to blog. n now, gotta slp le. ja ne..

oh ya.. one thing i didnt mentioned yest.. I went to buy cigarettes yest, and at the ntuc, the cashier stared at me with the surprise look and ask me my age? she got those type of.. xiaodi, ni zhe mo xiao yao mai xiang yan ar look on her haa.. then i show her my ic lor haa.. but there didnt have the brand i wan also, so i go 7/11, and the person checked my ic too.

Im going to be 23 this yr le, n ppl are checking my ic ha... I look young ar? all along i thought i look old sia..good to have ppl checking my ic haha..

In any case, i dont smoke la.. its jus for my fren, cos tutor wants us to exchange gifts mah, so getting cigarettes for him is the easiest option. Not that I encourage ppl to smoke la. But in any case, dont blame these ppl for smoking, they are after all, the ones who paid a large amount of taxes to the government, and thus reduce the taxes our parents pay now, and us in the future. Thanks smokers =P

Haven blog for a wk or so le, cos last wk got a major presentation, for which think my grp didnt do well. Got shoot during the q&a time till jialat jialat. Hopefully next one we will do better.

Think im getting more and more bao zhao recently..getting easily frustrated at things n stuffs. And been finding it hard to concentrate on studies recently too. Hopefully the short trip this wkend will do me good.

blogging for the second time in a day, and u shld noe how bored i am already. Anyway, i was going to fry nuggets for my dinner just now, when my pan burst into fire. nice right? haa.. cos i nvr defrost my nuggets, and i jus put it straight into the pan with the oil, so it cause a lot of those piak thingy when water is in hot oil. And so somehow i think the oil and the gas come into contact, and then i have a bbq going on liao.

Made a record of the number of readings I have to do.. and guess what, Im 14weeks behind for my 4 modules. Will I ever clear all these sia.. but then again, I dunno if theres any use even if i read all these..cos it doesnt seems to help me, and I cant remember the stuffs as well. maybe I shld change my style of studying le.

this holiday season have been a boring one for me. Been hm almost everyday. And its kinda depressing to be staying at hm.. when u see all ur friends going visiting n stuffs.. doing things that everyone do for chinese new year. My family, doesnt go visiting. Besides, my mum n dad went back to work today le. Im on the verge of going iceskating or going out alone liao. maybe i shld jus concentrate on my studies huh..

haven touch my ps2 for quite some time le..maybe 2 months.. think its quite meaningless to play game alone, especially when u are too strong for the ai.

jus watched I not stupid too...its nice! a must-watch i think, esp if u are a singaporean, cos theres a lot of relevancy in that movie, many things relate to me personally. A funny comedy, with touching and meaningful moments. 4.5stars :)

chu er almost over le. tmr is chu san, and soon things will be back to normal. or rather, abnormal.. cos of many sch works.

Jus done with the pineapple tarts making, now waiting for it to be served by the oven. Wanna taste my pineapple tarts? then gotta come my hse =P

Think i more or less clear this week of things le..been a hectic week, so many tasks to do, but at least now i can go into chinese new year, though theres still plenty of readings and revision to be done, cos im still quite clueless abt some modules.

Waiting for my laptop to arrive, then u will see me in school often le..

Was supposed to study, but then found an excuse not to, so ended up rearranging my cupboard when I found this biodata I wrote in sec4.

Name: Yap Yi Wei
Hobbies: Listening to music, watch tv
Likes: Pets
Dislikes: Pests (esp mosquitos)
Hates: Being framed, smokers
Greatest fear: Public Speaking/performing
Fav no: 1,7,15
Fav colour: Green that are part of nature, blue of the sky.
Fav subject: Maths, Bio
Fav place: School(friends), Home(family and my bed)
Fav phrase: Huh
Fav language: Singlish
Fav Food: Hainanese Chicken Rice, Carrot Cake, Nasi Lemak, Mee pok
Fav Animal: Any that are cute
Fav singers: Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys
Fav Album: Boyzone, WHere We Belong
Fav song in fav album: You Flew Away
Fav TCS actorL Chew Chor Meng
Fav TCS actress: Yvonne Lim
Fav sport: soccer
Fav team: Manu
Fav position: Midfield
My character: Forgetful, lazy, shy, talkative to close friends
Dream Home: A building surrounded by a large ground were trees are grown and different types of animal live
Aim in live: Have a family and a career that I am interested in
Ambition: Own a football club, if not be a manager of the football club. Travel the world and visit all countries(hopefully before 40yrs old)
Destination I would like to go firsT: Africa, Thailand, Sweden
Wishes for yr 2000: No more wars, animal extinctions and a less stressful life. Hope that 4/8 would still be together.
Wishes for friends: Get your goals and dont be blinded by money. '

Interesting? Copied it direct fr the piece of paper, so may some gramatically incorrect haa.. but guess a lot of things are quite naive isnt it? And many of the things are different now, Ive changed? hmmm...

3 consecutive proj/presentation discussion on monday..its getting crazier by the moment. Tons of readings to be completed. Lagging..

If this goes on, I will get burned out soon sia.. cos didnt really get a good break during dec due to the pageant. Amazingly, I have not played any comp nor ps2 games this year, almost one month since I played any game wow.. super no life sia...I wanna go skating!!!

Awaiting for the Chronicle to come out now..cos expecting criticisms fr them abt the pageant in the coming issue.

Finally its fri..the whole week is a drag.. during lessons, either im stoning, or im lost. Got lots to catch up. During tutorials nvr had a chance to really speak lor..theres one guy in class always talk n talk one..n worse still, hes in 3/4 classes same as me..

Work aside, chinese new year is coming. Think Im too busy with work tt i cant really feel it coming. Perhaps also becos chinese new year for me is just stay home watch tv, cos my family dont go out bai nian one. So if you are the same, hey lets go catch some movie or something.

University Pageant 2006, Glass Slippers, officially ended 2 days ago. Been catching up my sleep, and attended my first tutorial this sem on fri.

But now, the sense of loss creep in. The event which kept me busy for the past few months, has ended. The lifestyle that I love and hate, has ended. Changes in life are inevitable, and all good things must come to an end. Still, I feel sad that the pageant has ended. All the time and effort spent in this event. Will it leave a mark in peoples life? Will it be remembered in times to come? Will I experience this kind of feelings again?

Anyway, the reason for this kind of feelings, is cos I feel attached to the special projects group. Working with them has been a wonderful time. And of course my vicechair, yy, the person who often bears the brunt of my attitude, shes the filter between the people shes dealing with, and my provocative attitude. She is a nice person.

And of course, many members of my comm, they worked hard for it too, some to the extent of crumpling under the pressure and workload, beyond the extent of their job scope, beyond their normal duty.

Of course, the final product may not be perfect, or far from perfect, but it is still our product, our effort. The pageant has much to improve on, but at least we proved one thing, we are able to fill up the audi, something Wendy do not believe, and even we ourselves doubted initially.

Special Projects, good job.













The Aftermath: 2hrs after UniPageant 2006. It ends..

Heres the website for the pageant:

http://su.ntu.edu.sg/up2006/

Starting the year off with the biggest ever University Pageant in NTU – Glass Slippers, 12th January 2006, Thursday, 7 pm in the Nanyang Auditorium. An event you don’t want to miss! With guest performances by the Singapore’s Project Superstar finalists.

After the months of scouting, nominations and auditions, nine lovely finalists have emerged. From the crowd of NTU ladies, we have an interesting mix of ladies from the Vice-president of the CAC club to our Shancai look alike!

For the first time ever, we’ll be having the Anna Sui SMS voting system. Your vote will determine which girl gets the Anna Sui title, and also give you a chance to win an IPOD Shuffle, HUGO Energise fragrance, Escada Pacific Paradise fragrance and Lomo Camera!!

Limited goodie bags, oozing with gifts and vouchers worth over $100, will also be given away at the pageant to the audience and supporters. You can look out for Escada Pacific Paradise fragrance vials, for ladies, which will only be launched in February. You can also look forward to Lacoste Essential for Men, Anna Sui Secret Wish vials, Anna Sui Powdery Foundation, magazines from Seventeen and Men’s Health, Bioré products, nail polishers from Hollywood Secrets, makeover vouchers from Anna Sui worth $45, vouchers from Joop, Image Revelation Consultancy and Amore Fitness.

On the actual day, there will be a beauty and wellness fair at the Nanyang Auditorium Foyer from 10am to 7pm. There will be exclusive product launches at special prices by Anna Sui, hair styling by L’Oréal Studioline, exclusive fitness package prices from Amore and more!

Entrance is free with invites. Invites can be collected at our booths on 09/01 and 11/01 in Canteen A and B, and also on the day of the pageant itself outside the Nanyang Auditorium. However, there are only limited invites, so don't miss it!

Satisfied with life. Or not.

I remember that I spent my army life, jus going through life, not aiming for anything, not expecting anything. Slow and relax life.

Im getting competitive. I want results. And with it comes the stress, stress when results doesnt go your way, and when the world seems so unfair, that the principle of equivalent exchange doesnt work.

Anyway, was viewing what I wrote the same time this year, and sort of remember how I feel that time. Drinking 4 times in 7 days.. hmmm... only drank once this time rd for christmas, but with the same feelings.

Sch starting later. A number of things to be done before the meeting.

Something for you guys to look forward to:

In celebration of the 20th anniversary of the Singapore River Hongbao, spectacular fireworks displays will take place every single night!
Fireworks timings:Opening night (27 January): 8pm Eve of Chinese New Year (28 January): Midnight All other nights (29 January – 12 Februaru): 9.30pm

yes..every night..no worry of missing it. Will I be there every night? hmm..maybe..who knows..